I'm really excited for "This is Us" to come back on the air next week, so I felt the need to steal their title for this blog post. Turning thirty last year was not quite what I expected it to be- I was in such a weird place in my life, I had just moved back home and at the time I thought that meant I had failed. So this year, I'm putting things in a different perspective: 31 things I've learned in 31 years. Things I've learned about life, things I've learned about myself, lessons I've learned, etc.
1. I'm stronger than I know.
Now I don't mean physically. Although at one point during the peak of my physically fit-ness, I did find out I could leg press 450 pounds sooooo there's that. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about mentally. The things I've gone through- things that I have purposefully put myself through, like bootcamp, the military, college. Then there's the things that were thrown into my life that I couldn't escape, like break-ups (boyfriends and childhood friends), family struggles, death. There were times that I didn't think I would make it to the other side -but all of these things that I have been through- I have gotten through.
2. No Comebacks are Better than Lame Comebacks.
You heard me. If you can't think of a good comeback, just don't even open your mouth.
3. Stand Up for Something.
We all know tensions can rise when we talk about important matters, but does that mean we should just shut up and sit down? Personally, I don't think so at all. I think it's so important to stand up for what you believe in. The world needs these types of people with strong belief systems who fight inertia and status quo in the hopes of making an impact. It’s also powerful to empathize and learn the motivations of others.
4. Embrace Other Cultures.
You don't have to fly to Germany or China or New Zealand to accomplish this. I might be from a small town, but we have so many different people from all over the world right here. Get out of your own neighborhood every once in a while. And if you can afford to travel, do your research on what the culture will be like- make sure you know what can be offensive. Learn a few common phrases in their language. You'd be surprised how far you can get with locals by just saying "hello" in the local lingo. I first learned this when I was stationed in South Korea. By learning simple Korean phrases and approaching the locals with that first- 9 out of 10 times they would automatically switch to English. Embrace, respect, enjoy.
5. Be Kind.
This is just super obvious. Because being anything else is just a waste of time and energy.
6. Laugh at Yourself.
I feel like I learned this at a pretty young age. Let's just say I wasn't the coolest cat in middle school. I remember running down the hall, tripped, and fell to the ground- in front of all the popular girls- and I remember thinking how much I just wanted to cry and how embarrassed I was, but I just started laughing. And then everyone else started laughing, but they weren't laughing at me, just with me. Someone helped me up, and that was that. I know it seems silly, but that has been something I've carried with me ever since then.
7. SAVE MONEY
LOL. I'm still learning this one. If you save money, then you can spend the money- right?! If I could go back and tell my 16 year old self when I got my first real job, I would tell her to open up a savings account that I couldn't touch. Or an IRA or learn and invest in stocks! I still tell myself to learn and invest in stocks, but maybe next year ;)
8. Day Drinking > Going Out at Night
This has probably been one of my favorite things I've learned. The older I've gotten, the more I like to actually get sleep. Nights out until 4 am are so not my thing anymore. When you go out during the day, you can still get your party on, but you can be in bed by a decent hour! Plus hangovers at 31 are on a whole other level than they used to be!
9. You will Change.
Oh boy, if this isn't the truth. I never thought I would change. I talk about this a lot with friends. How different I am now compared to who I was just 10 years ago. When I was 19 I almost got married. I laugh about that now. I have different ways of thinking, I believe in different things, I care about different things, I want different things.
10. Your Body will Change.
Y'all. Can we just talk about the heartburn and acid reflux that I never thought I would experience. I thought stuff like this happened to "old" people. Or can we talk about the gray hairs I've got coming in. Or can we talk about how I used to be able to lose 10 pounds by just thinking about it, but now it's like if I even think about eating something I gain 10 pounds. Or can we talk about how when I get out of bed in the morning you can hear every bone in my body crack. Or how my hips pop. Or how....................
11. Be Present.
Smart phones are cool and all, but there's nothing like putting your phone down and just having a conversation. Sometimes we forget what it was like before having instant internet at our fingertips. I'll be the first to admit, when I was in my early 20s I was constantly posting on Facebook (memories...yikes), always taking pictures, always texting, but this past year I have really tried to focus on putting my phone down, enjoying the moment that I'm in, actually having real conversations with people.
12. Admit When You're Wrong.
This is so hard. Who wants to be wrong? I definitely don't like being wrong. It's something I'm still working on. Growth.
13. Don't Second Guess Yourself.
If there's something you want to do, go for it. Just do it.
14. Educate Yourself.
I'm not talking about school here. I'll tell you guys, I was so not a school person. In high school, my favorite subjects were Yearbook, Student Council, and Lunch. This is embarrassing, but when I got my Intelligence job in the Air Force, 1- I was shocked lol, and 2- I realized very quickly I should have payed more attention in my geography and history classes. But what I'm talking about here is educating yourself on every day things. If you hear someone discussing something you have no idea about, go home and learn about it. If you see someone share an article on social media and everyone is debating, but you can't join in because you don't have an opinion- because you don't know what it is they're debating... learn about it, ask those people questions. We will never grow if we don't continue learning. “The world is a university and everyone in it is a teacher. Make sure when you wake up in the morning, you go to school.” ―T. D. Jakes
15. Being Sensitive Is NOT a Bad Thing.
This one took me a long time. I used to get teased because I cry a lot. I'm an empath. I'm emotional. I really feel everything. I can get stuck in ruts for weeks. It made me think that I was less-than because I was more emotional that other people, I saw it as a weakness. But it's totally not a weakness. I've embraced my tears. The traits that make me a more sensitive person, are the qualities that give me enormous inner strength.
16. Trust Your Gut.
My gut has never been wrong. Whether it's about a new person, a situation, boyfriend- you name it. There have been times when I have gone against a gut feeling, and I'll never do it again. Always trust your gut. That's something that I will always always tell anyone!
17. Taking Care of the Earth is Actually Super Important.
It wasn't until the past couple years that I have really focused on this topic. I never really cared, or thought about the daily things I was using. I had no idea that plastic couldn't break down. I had no idea how much trash were in our oceans. I had no idea how many animals die because of human waste. Even when I lived in England, I didn't quite grasp why they were charging 10 pence per plastic bag at the grocery store. Did you know that 79% of all the plastic humans have produced has ended up either in landfills or in nature? Did you also know that microplastic particles are in our air, in our water, and in our soil? Did you also also know that microplastic particles have been found in humans?! It's something that every person should care about. And not just plastic- our consumerism in general should be something we all think about. Really think about how much trash you're throwing out. Look at what you're buying at the grocery store. Do you really need zucchinis that are wrapped up in cardboard and plastic, or can you buy 3 single ones that are just sitting out. If you're interested about learning more, here are some great links!
18. Question Everything.
I used to get in trouble for asking "why" at everything. And it didn't help me much in the military (lol), but I'm a "why" person. I need to know. I need to know why you're telling me yes or no. I need to understand. I think questioning things leads to being able to think better for yourself. You should never just do something because someone tells you to, or believe in something just because someone tells you it's right. Why is it right? Why should I do this? Why should I believe in this?
19. I will Never Stop Procrastinating.
It's true. I'm now 31 and I truly believe to my core that this will never change. But you know what, some of my best work has come from procrastination. One of my college professor's gave us a huge project that would be due by end of quarter, and she told us it wasn't something that could be done at the last minute, it was too much work. Well, challenge accepted. I'm pretty sure I got an "A".
20. It's Okay to "Fail".
Well, I've been here too many times. But each time I've "failed", I've learned valuable lessons. Remember that song from the 90s- it's like "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down"... well, basically exactly that.
Click here for nostalgia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LODkVkpaVQA
21. Better Off With an "Oops" Than a "What if"
I've learned this the hard way. So now I live my life by this saying. It's what has made me jump into relationships that seem crazy to others, or do things like sky dive, or travel alone in a foreign country for 30 days, or join the military lol. If it sucks, at least now I know. If it's great- that's even better!
22. "Not Being into Politics" is Just an Excuse.
I used to say this. I used to be this person. I used to think my vote didn't matter. I used to think elections didn't affect me. I used to think who was seated as the Supreme Court Judge didn't affect me. I used to be totally blind to my white privilege. I used to just not care. But all of those things were just excuses. Saying that you're not into politics, is just saying that you're -to be blunt- ignorant.
23. There are No Rules in an Airport.
You want to drink at 6 am? Cool. Time doesn't exist. You want to sleep on the floor? Cool. No one cares. You want to live there? No one would ever know.
24. Credit Cards are the Spawn of Satan.
Just have one. If you have to have one to build your credit, JUST HAVE ONE.
25. Get Rid of Your Junk.
Clearing out my spaces has been one of the best things I've ever done. I no longer have a storage unit I'm wasting money on. I don't have to do a "spring cleaning". I buy less. Which means I spend less money. I focus on things I need instead of want. My life has never felt more uncluttered!
26. Perception is a Lie.
This is something you think I would have learned before like, just last week, but nope. I was having lunch with two of my girlfriends from high school- but we weren't really friends in high school. One of them thought I was a little floozy, and I thought the other one was super popular and intimidating. Come to find out, none of the things we all thought about each other was true. Our minds were blown. Imagine if we had just talked to each other like this 15 years ago....
27. The Saying is True- You Never Know What People are Going Through.
I had a moment 4 years ago in an airport, I was on my way home for a funeral. I was completely torn up. I couldn't imagine that it was real. I was doing everything I could walking through that airport to just keep the tears from falling. And I thought about how no one knew. No one else in that airport knew what I was going through. Every stranger I passed, no one knew. I was just another stranger to them, as they were to me. And I just started thinking more about every person I walked by, thinking about what they could be going through. Maybe someone was flying home to take care of a sick parent. Maybe someone had just gotten engaged. Maybe those girls were going somewhere tropical to celebrate a birthday. Maybe that guy just lost his job. I couldn't stop thinking about how we don't think about those things. So go back up to #4, and just be kind- because we truly just don't know.
28. Love Isn't Always Enough.
This is probably the toughest thing I've learned. While love is an amazing feeling, it doesn't mean that it's enough to make the relationship work. If there's no compromise, or trust, or patience, or communication, or effort... then that relationship will never survive.
29. Consent.
Boy or girl. Man or Woman. He/she, they/them... Yes means yes. NO means NO. It's really that simple.
30. Age Really Doesn't Matter.
I used to be obsessed with "by this age I want to have accomplished this or that". I thought graduating college at 29 would put me so behind. I thought you had to do everything in a certain order. I thought you were supposed to get married young, have kids by a certain age. Hell, I thought you were supposed to get married and supposed to have kids! None of this really matters. It's your life. You have to live it exactly how you want to, and it doesn't matter if you're 50 and decide to switch careers, or 30 and going back to school, or 80 and getting married for the first time!
31. VOTE.
I turned 18 in 2007. The first time I voted was 2016. I'm not proud of that. Your voice matters. Every vote counts. If you're Black, white, Asian, Native American, Latinx, Hispanic, etc etc etc... your vote matters. Today, early voting opened in Pensacola, Florida. I urge every single one of you to please vote. If you can take a day off work, do it. If you're a boss- give your employees a day off. I won't even get into how the national election day should be a national holiday (insert eye roll here). JUST GO VOTE.